Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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