i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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