I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
