We won't sleep together?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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