Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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