woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
