I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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