I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
