rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
