do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
