omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
