I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
