I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
