You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
