before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
