I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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