Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Houston, we have a squirter
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
