So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
