its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
