so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
