On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
