I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
