my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
