I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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