u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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