Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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