Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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