Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
