bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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