Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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