I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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