I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
