i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
not ubering you a puppy
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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