UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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