best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
