Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He kissed a someone with a penis
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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