Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
