They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he puts the penis in happiness.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
