He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
