woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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