Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
