i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
