I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
