i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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