hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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