i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
