On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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