My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
