Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
