i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
