my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize