i would punch a child for taco bell
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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