She's JV to your varsity
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
