It's like God shit irony all over that family
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
