I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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