it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
