Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
