Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want to make out with him forever
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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