in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
