he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
