Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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