I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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