there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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