Can Purell be used as lube?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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