Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
In America we eat man semen.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize