If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
