He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
