all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
