He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
