I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
