apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
