I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
